Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
