I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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