Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
