If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
