Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
