Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
