: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I supernannyed him into submission
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
