ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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