it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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