Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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