I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
