Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
