we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
