Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
