I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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