your parents love me but you hate me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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