mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
