I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
birth control should be required to get into college
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
