She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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