I want to stick my p in your. b.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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