So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
