yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
