a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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