And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
