you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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