Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
