Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
