I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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