Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
