is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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