He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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