Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
