Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
