I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
