omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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