Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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