i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
