so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
