Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
