Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
