dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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