an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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