Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
