I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
