I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
