I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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