The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
