I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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