i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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