Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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