Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
