Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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